


Not What You Think

by Jamie_Kirk



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Crack, Fluff, James Bond - Freeform, James hates his cats, M/M, Q Has a Cat, Q loves his cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 12:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18334529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamie_Kirk/pseuds/Jamie_Kirk
Summary: "Why is your back all scratched up?"James stopped in the middle of the room facing Q. He stood there frozen, seemingly recalling something and before Q can ask what, James blurts."I'm having an affair."-----------------------Or in which James has a bit of a scuffle with the cats while Q is away





	Not What You Think

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I based this off this meme. 
> 
> Wife: Why is your back all scratched up?  
> [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]  
> Me: I'm having an affair

Q laid on his back breathing heavily, his body relaxing into the mattress. He feels the pressure of Bond's warm skin pressed against his. He could also feel his warm breath against him as he came down from post-climax. He bathed in the affection that was pouring from Bond and savored it. 

Q had been asked to go to the states to help the joint CIA and MI6 mission. Leaving Bond without his quartermaster for two months. Q could tell he wasn't used to his side of it, being stuck in London while his partner was miles away doing God knows what. But he now knew how Bond felt when he stepped off the plane to see his lover after what was positively the most stressful assignment he's had yet. He also couldn't privy James after he skipped his debriefing with M to properly celebrate his return. 

His lingering afterglow vanished when Bond started to move off the bed. Q -with his eyes closed- blindly reached for him as he started to slip away. 

"James, get your bloody arse back here right now." Q slurred. Bond turned around and gave him his signature smirk. "You would want that, wouldn't you?"

"No," Q said firmly. "I was gone for two bloody months without you so I am going to spend the next two days in bed with you." 

"Well, that sounds absolutely lovely darling." Bond said as he leaned down to kiss Q. He reached up and brought him down further. Bond had to put his arm down to keep his balance. "You do know I have to take a shower right?" James asks and all he gets is a pout from Q which he finds incredibly adorable. 

"You don't have to." 

"You could always join me you know." he says as he gets up. Q closes his eyes in defeat. "Yes but I'm too tired." 

"I wonder why." Bond hums knowing damn well why. He bends over to pick up his articles of clothing when he notices it. He sits up in bed and sees the many red scratches on his back. They all range from long to short in various directions on him. All the scratches look vicious and Q could just feel the disdain bleeding from them. Now, this sort of thing usually doesn't surprise him seeing as he's the one giving him the scratches. But these aren't fingernail scratches made in a moment of passion, these are small and feral but strong and vicious. 

Before he could even question it Bond hops in the shower. Ejected Q falls back onto the bed. About thirty minutes later Bond emerged from the bathroom with only a white towel. Upon further inspection of his body -and great appreciation- Q saw the same scratch marks on James' arms and shoulders. Their redness standing out now thanks to his recent shower. 

"Why is your back all scratched up?" James stopped in the middle of the room facing Q. He stood there frozen, seemingly recalling something and before Q can ask what, James blurts.  
"I'm having an affair."

Q rolls his eyes with all sarcasm he can muster at the moment. "Please, as if I wouldn't know." He gets up and makes his way over to Bond who just backs away further. Q squints his eyes and semi chases after Bond around their room until he backs him against the bed and traps him. He forced him to sit down and then turns his body to get a better look at the scratches while James half attempts to fight him. 

"These look awful, bloody hell. Just how did you get them?" Bond kept looking elsewhere until he looked at Q and sighed. "You have to promise me you won't laugh. I mean it Q I don't need you making fun of me for this." 

"James I promise I will not laugh at you." 

"Your cats ambushed and attacked me when I didn't feed them on time." Q then proceeded to laugh so hard he started to cry. He leaned against James' shoulder as he sat there with the look of a man whose boyfriend's cats viciously attacked him and was being laughed at for it. After Q started to calm down ("Why are you still laughing it's been five sodding minutes!") he finally looked at him only to start laughing once more. 

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Bond exclaimed as he started to get up. Q just sat him right back down. "No no no no, please I'm sorry." Q apologized before sobering up. "You mean to tell me that you, James Bond, 007, Britain's best spy, were attacked by my cats? You have to see how preposterous that sounds." 

"Well, it's true. You keep those bloody feline fur balls on a ridiculous schedule and when you were gone they thought they could run the place. They absolutely hate me. I forgot to feed them once, once! And they decide to jump right on me, clawing right through my now ruined shirt. They wouldn't stop Q it was a nightmare." 

"And you thought that telling me you were having an affair was better than telling me my cats got the best of you?" 

Bond looked from Q's eyes and out the door, probably remembering that dreadful day. Q could imagine it, Bond flailing around like a maniac with two cats attached to him, fighting for his life. The thought alone made him want to crack up. "It was humiliating." 

Q just chuckled and turned Bond's face so he could softly kiss him. He nudged Q's glasses off with his nose and brought his hand up to Q's face caressing his cheek. Q's hand slowly ran down Bonds' torso to his towel. But, before he could get too excited Bond felt soft fur pass his ankles only to find the two demon cat spawns emerge. Q broke away from the kiss to bend down and pick up both his cats. 

"I hate those bloody things." Bond snarled. 

Q sat both cats on his arms and picked up their paws to wave at Bond. 

"We love you too James."


End file.
